Happy family

Looking for the perfect man
I don't want to write about men. And, first of all, about parents. Oil painting: an ideal, pure soul mother who put life on the child, nurtured, nurtured, raised, gave…

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"My husband doesn't want me"
A topic that is not customary to talk about. A topic that causes women a lot of shame and guilt. The theme, which, though not so noticeable as to bodily…

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Avoid toxic people, including toxic relatives
The decision not to contact a family member is deeply personal. For some of us, healing a mother's wound is only possible through contact with the mother. In this scenario,…

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Happy family model: where to get it?

The ability to model, imitate, adopt the skills of other people is one of the basic skills of any person. Let us remember how a small child learns: he watches. He carefully watches what mom or dad does, and it does not matter what it is: cooking, talking on the phone, joint “gatherings” in the evening or silent games in offense.

The child in this case is not much different from the alien, who was sent to the planet Earth with some special and responsible mission. The kid can not yet assess what is happening. He actively records the information coming from the outside and, having accumulated it enough, without much thought, begins to implement the learned patterns of behavior in life, that is, trying to repeat what mom or dad recently did.

And if simple enough or “vyzhivatelnogo” skills manifest themselves immediately, like a child soon says the words, mom puts the phone to his ear, imitating the intonation of parents and cartoon characters, others, not such necessary qualities are manifested much later. Continue reading

Aging relatives. The tragedy of time

Aging is a multidimensional process, but more often the focus is on the medical aspect of late-age changes. However, for family members, the aging of relatives is a much more complex problem than the physical ailments and diseases themselves. Relatives often find it difficult to cope with feelings of irritation, guilt, to overcome alienation.
Aging of relatives is not only a part of their life cycle, but also a part of the family life cycle. Aging relatives require special treatment, care and love. The situation of aging relatives is normal, all families meet with it one way or another, and each family must get out of this crisis. How? It depends on a number of factors: the previous relationship of family members, their tolerance, selfishness, empathy, maturity, anxiety, financial condition of the family, the characteristics of employment, etc.

It is important to inform family members about the phenomenon of old age, its physiological, emotional and existential nature. Without knowledge of this problem, it is difficult for relatives to build functional, careful relationships with aging relatives. Old age is characterized by some features of the internal and external order, one of which – the closeness of death. Continue reading

Traps that are easy to get into, sincerely wishing happiness to their children

– My mother continues to own my life. I resent that! What am I to do?
– How old are You?
– 26.
– You live with your mother?
– No, she bought me and my husband an apartment.
– Who issued?
– She, she’s afraid we’ll break up and he’ll take half.
– Are you financially independent from your mother?
Not really. I’m not working, I have a child for almost three years, and with gardens to the problem. And actually, I think that a woman should be with child, to create coziness at home!
Yeah, right. And my mother still helps somehow?
– Well, she takes her granddaughter when I need to go out or get some rest. Give gifts. We also went to Cyprus for my birthday, and my daughter was left with her. Sometimes he buys delicious food, we go to the clinic together, I am very worried, now such doctors, horror. Continue reading

If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility

It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is no one but you to do it. And without this it is difficult for a person to live. Not getting support from you, the child builds it himself, and as proper oporozhnenie no one has taught his strategies are often maladaptive: diseases of the body, nervous disorders, trouble in my life.

What’s that got to do with it? In the literal sense at all. About a man who received support from parents, saying: “Nothing of him/her not answering,” or “dusted himself off/confused and went/and” or “was born with the caul/Las”, etc. and whining, disease, poor health and eternal trouble is not destiny, and call for help, search the equilibrium point.

At any age there are moments when someone has to give support from the outside. Even if you have a thousand supports inside, sometimes you need a thousand first, a new one. Ideally, it is given by parents. When there are no parents or they can not, because they themselves without support, then give friends, spouses, psychotherapist, temporarily “getting up” for you in the parental place. Continue reading

Such a common story…

Part 1. Lyrical
She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on maternity leave. She has a husband and a little daughter who love her and expect love from her.

She calls her mother hoping to hear from her that she loves her, thinks about her, hear just warm words of support, so necessary to her now. But in response she hears only the now familiar criticism, evaluation, instruction. Mom on the phone regularly tells her what a bad hostess she is, a useless mother, an ungrateful daughter.

She listens to all of this, then cries. Crying quietly, to no one in my family noticed her tears. But she keeps calling anyway. She hopes that her mother will ever change and tell her those words that she so long expected of her. She does not notice that there are two people who want her attention, love and warmth: husband and daughter. Continue reading

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"Pregnant together": how to survive nine months and not get divorced
Advice from a family psychologist for those whose marital relationship is being tested by pregnancy. Relationships in a couple – a complex process and sometimes confusing, and if the couple…

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The art of raising a slave
Have you noticed that adults often treat children as an uncomfortable object, which greatly complicates their parental existence? Like an annoying fly that you have to fend off, like a…

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What is the crisis of marriage institution and what it eats
Tons of classical literature and kilometers of film melodramatic films created the illusion of great and pure love, which certainly ends in marriage and further "they lived happily ever after."…

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How to separate from my parents or why I don't live the way I want
Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood. About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find…

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