– My mother continues to own my life. I resent that! What am I to do?
– How old are You?
– You live with your mother?
– No, she bought me and my husband an apartment.
– Who issued?
– She, she’s afraid we’ll break up and he’ll take half.
– Are you financially independent from your mother?
Not really. I’m not working, I have a child for almost three years, and with gardens to the problem. And actually, I think that a woman should be with child, to create coziness at home!
Yeah, right. And my mother still helps somehow?
– Well, she takes her granddaughter when I need to go out or get some rest. Give gifts. We also went to Cyprus for my birthday, and my daughter was left with her. Sometimes he buys delicious food, we go to the clinic together, I am very worried, now such doctors, horror. Continue reading
In order to endure childish affection, which may seem clingy and annoying, as well as children’s affects like outbursts of hatred for younger brothers and sisters, and children’s whims, and discontent about a variety of inconveniences, and even more so attacks of anger towards yourself (parent), about prohibitions and other unpopular decisions, you need to have a pretty impressive container.
That is, you need a mental space with which you could endure, withstand these direct, associated with the natural development of the child, experiences.
Endure them without self-destruction (suffering what you can not tolerate) or the destruction of the child (prohibiting his experiences, and suppressing it).
However, if you do not have the experience of careful handling of your children’s processes, that is, when you were a child, you could not stand your feelings and affection, then most likely, your mental container is full of your own not expressed feelings, and those feelings that your teachers put in you – for example, shame and guilt for their badness. Continue reading
Quite often young parents are told: “Come on, here our grandmothers gave birth to ten children, and nothing, and you can not cope with one.” But really, cultural norms, attachments, and expectations as parents and towards children has changed considerably.
If earlier the baby could spend half a day alone in a cradle, which from time to time shakes some average girl, not very well-fed and with wet diapers, while the mother takes care of cattle or engaged in other things, of the born ten children survived half, and every third woman died in childbirth (not necessarily in the first, but nevertheless), now the situation is different – we do not rely on natural selection, and we know that every step we take, every investment we make will respond to what the child’s fate will be, how society will treat parents, and how likely it is that a grown child will want to see us.
This creates huge pressure on parents: whether I feed him, whether I keep, whether in that garden sent?
This is how parental stress is born – it also leads to parental burnout, loss of empathy, feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, and sometimes – to aggression against the child. Continue reading