Invisible girl, or Cigarettes in exchange for mom's love
Deaf, stupid, impotent rage covered Olga with a concrete slab. Can't breathe, can't get enough air. How tired she was of all these papers, people, negotiations, endless parental "need", "we…

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Children and cuisine: risks of the "new Patriarchate"
The women of Victorian England were almost invisible to the law. The term "male person" (male person), which denoted a full-fledged person, brought gentle ladies in corsets beyond the legal…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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co-dependence

Beliefs that shape co-dependence

I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with “what you know…”, “you’re a baby, you warthog”. I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed of “I’m not as smart as they are.”

Having been born, the child has no idea who he is, and through communication with loved ones he develops an idea of himself. Surrounding are mirrors, in which children look at themselves with hand. From them they learn about themselves, based on their attitudes and words. And the image of yourself first built only from these assessments. And gradually the child begins to see himself as his close people see him, treats himself as they treat him. My initial self-esteem was built on devaluation, humiliation and toxic shame.

In our family, the manifestation of the Self by any member of the family was extremely undesirable and unbearable for everyone, because the words, thoughts, feelings, evoked reciprocal feelings: amazing, incomprehensible, sometimes unpleasant, and already forgotten by many, discarded for their uselessness (or pain).

And that had to be dealt with somehow. So it was easier to suppress any manifestation of the true Self. Continue reading

Violations of hierarchy in the family system. What parents should not do with their children
Hierarchy Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of…

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Irina Mlodik: "old Age – it's time to get paid"
Is it possible to prepare for your own old age and how to behave with elderly relatives? This is the story of a psychologist, author of books and articles on…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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Aging relatives. The tragedy of time
Aging is a multidimensional process, but more often the focus is on the medical aspect of late-age changes. However, for family members, the aging of relatives is a much more…

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