Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our marriage. At the time, it seemed to me that within the framework of socially approved views on the behavior of a diligent wife and mother, I honestly fulfill my part of the duties.
And then this phrase… Like a bucket of ice water was poured on my head. I digested it for a long time, trying to understand the intricacies of the words in the sentence.
Brought up in the traditions of the Soviet family, I believed in the myth that the wife is primarily a mother and mistress. Other functions – as tasks of increased complexity in the control work: you can do as you wish, if there is time. I could say with confidence that I was doing everything right and as it should be an exemplary wife. I just thought one thing and felt another. Words and actions can lie, feelings can never. It is possible to deceive others, the truth is not to hide.
And truth was such.
I’m bored doing household chores. Continue reading
Quite often young parents are told: “Come on, here our grandmothers gave birth to ten children, and nothing, and you can not cope with one.” But really, cultural norms, attachments, and expectations as parents and towards children has changed considerably.
If earlier the baby could spend half a day alone in a cradle, which from time to time shakes some average girl, not very well-fed and with wet diapers, while the mother takes care of cattle or engaged in other things, of the born ten children survived half, and every third woman died in childbirth (not necessarily in the first, but nevertheless), now the situation is different – we do not rely on natural selection, and we know that every step we take, every investment we make will respond to what the child’s fate will be, how society will treat parents, and how likely it is that a grown child will want to see us.
This creates huge pressure on parents: whether I feed him, whether I keep, whether in that garden sent?
This is how parental stress is born – it also leads to parental burnout, loss of empathy, feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, and sometimes – to aggression against the child. Continue reading