Beliefs that shape co-dependence
I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with "what you know...", "you're a baby, you warthog". I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed…

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Parents, don't teach us to live!
The question came: "How to make it clear to her husband's parents that the son has grown up, married and he has his own family! it is not necessary for…

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12 ways to forgive grievances parents
Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in…

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daughter

The mathematics of marriage. About things real and provable

I’m sorry, but I’m talking about the obvious today. Science knows a lot hityk, especially if you do it thoughtfully. Watch, explore, analyze and be patient. And on popular lectures psychologists do not necessarily have to report the obvious “Mouse, you have to become hedgehogs!”, and can talk about simple and practical things that are quite capable of changing something in your life.

Yesterday I was at Professor Joram yuvel’s lecture “does Love hurt?”He talked a lot about the research of John Gottman, who once struck me with thoroughness and patience. No wonder, Gottman’s first doctorate was in mathematics.

Its theme is the sustainability of the marriage. What does it depend on? Professor John Gottman approaches the question differently from most sociologists and psychologists who pester thousands of divorced couples with kilometer-long questionnaires. Continue reading

Husband and father. Find the differences

The husband is often found in the projection of the father, these two figures, in the perception of women, interwoven into one. If father was brutal – husband is perceived intolerant and evil. If the father did not give something, in the husband, first of all, greed is seen. If the father was estranged, and the husband and wife case no.

In General, the relationship with his father is about prospects, success in life, about relationships with men, about financial prosperity. Question: who is your father, means, ultimately, who are you?

On consultation the woman “for forty”, tells that at the husband pneumonia, the ambulance took away it to hospital, on her face tears flow… I sympathize, but, to my surprise, it turns out that the reason of her crying not fears for health of the husband, she grieves for the father who died a year ago.

Wiping tears and sobbing, the woman tells the circumstances of her birth. That the father wanted a son and was disappointed by the appearance of his daughter. And that after she was born, he left home for two weeks. And mom thought he’d never come back. Continue reading

Psychologist in the divorce. About what?

My colleague and I once talked about values. And I enthusiastically said this phrase: “Here, for example, family is a great value for me. That’s why I got divorced.” He laughed, “do You hear what you’re saying? Value and so you got divorced.”

I suddenly realized. That’s why. Family for me includes such values as respect, trust, sincerity, the ability to Express their feelings, acceptance of a different point of view of the partner, even if it is not clear to me, the ability to negotiate, the ability to empathize, openly Express their feelings, willingness to recognize their contribution to the situation, the desire to change and develop together, loyalty.

I guess I can talk about my divorce now. Rather, about 2 divorces. Because it is thanks to them that I came to the profession. The first was a child marriage – which often happens – a way to escape from the dictatorship of the mother.

A beautiful intelligent co-dependent family, with all the ensuing consequences – a dysfunctional father, realized only in creative work, and at home turning into a child and periodically escaping into a binge, and controlling, punishing, aggressive devaluing mother, who suddenly sometimes could give out waves of love and support. Continue reading

Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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How to explain to mom that you don't want to get married: instructions
The good news is that we can close this unpleasant topic once and for all. The bad news is that you have to grow up very quickly, and – surprise!…

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How to separate from my parents or why I don't live the way I want
Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood. About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find…

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Home comfort – it's not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our…

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