Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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It will be small or who have a family to support?
Tradition or partnership? Traditionally in our society it is believed that the main earner of money in the family should be a man. On the Internet you can find articles…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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daughter

The mathematics of marriage. About things real and provable

I’m sorry, but I’m talking about the obvious today. Science knows a lot hityk, especially if you do it thoughtfully. Watch, explore, analyze and be patient. And on popular lectures psychologists do not necessarily have to report the obvious “Mouse, you have to become hedgehogs!”, and can talk about simple and practical things that are quite capable of changing something in your life.

Yesterday I was at Professor Joram yuvel’s lecture “does Love hurt?”He talked a lot about the research of John Gottman, who once struck me with thoroughness and patience. No wonder, Gottman’s first doctorate was in mathematics.

Its theme is the sustainability of the marriage. What does it depend on? Professor John Gottman approaches the question differently from most sociologists and psychologists who pester thousands of divorced couples with kilometer-long questionnaires. Continue reading

Husband and father. Find the differences

The husband is often found in the projection of the father, these two figures, in the perception of women, interwoven into one. If father was brutal – husband is perceived intolerant and evil. If the father did not give something, in the husband, first of all, greed is seen. If the father was estranged, and the husband and wife case no.

In General, the relationship with his father is about prospects, success in life, about relationships with men, about financial prosperity. Question: who is your father, means, ultimately, who are you?

On consultation the woman “for forty”, tells that at the husband pneumonia, the ambulance took away it to hospital, on her face tears flow… I sympathize, but, to my surprise, it turns out that the reason of her crying not fears for health of the husband, she grieves for the father who died a year ago.

Wiping tears and sobbing, the woman tells the circumstances of her birth. That the father wanted a son and was disappointed by the appearance of his daughter. And that after she was born, he left home for two weeks. And mom thought he’d never come back. Continue reading

Psychologist in the divorce. About what?

My colleague and I once talked about values. And I enthusiastically said this phrase: “Here, for example, family is a great value for me. That’s why I got divorced.” He laughed, “do You hear what you’re saying? Value and so you got divorced.”

I suddenly realized. That’s why. Family for me includes such values as respect, trust, sincerity, the ability to Express their feelings, acceptance of a different point of view of the partner, even if it is not clear to me, the ability to negotiate, the ability to empathize, openly Express their feelings, willingness to recognize their contribution to the situation, the desire to change and develop together, loyalty.

I guess I can talk about my divorce now. Rather, about 2 divorces. Because it is thanks to them that I came to the profession. The first was a child marriage – which often happens – a way to escape from the dictatorship of the mother.

A beautiful intelligent co-dependent family, with all the ensuing consequences – a dysfunctional father, realized only in creative work, and at home turning into a child and periodically escaping into a binge, and controlling, punishing, aggressive devaluing mother, who suddenly sometimes could give out waves of love and support. Continue reading

Invisible girl, or Cigarettes in exchange for mom's love
Deaf, stupid, impotent rage covered Olga with a concrete slab. Can't breathe, can't get enough air. How tired she was of all these papers, people, negotiations, endless parental "need", "we…

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What is the crisis of marriage institution and what it eats
Tons of classical literature and kilometers of film melodramatic films created the illusion of great and pure love, which certainly ends in marriage and further "they lived happily ever after."…

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Such a common story...
Part 1. Lyrical She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on…

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Mom doesn't have (memo adult children)
Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers…

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