The ability to model, imitate, adopt the skills of other people is one of the basic skills of any person. Let us remember how a small child learns: he watches. He carefully watches what mom or dad does, and it does not matter what it is: cooking, talking on the phone, joint “gatherings” in the evening or silent games in offense.
The child in this case is not much different from the alien, who was sent to the planet Earth with some special and responsible mission. The kid can not yet assess what is happening. He actively records the information coming from the outside and, having accumulated it enough, without much thought, begins to implement the learned patterns of behavior in life, that is, trying to repeat what mom or dad recently did.
And if simple enough or “vyzhivatelnogo” skills manifest themselves immediately, like a child soon says the words, mom puts the phone to his ear, imitating the intonation of parents and cartoon characters, others, not such necessary qualities are manifested much later. Continue reading
Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of one family member on others.
One of the provisions of the hierarchy is that in the family the parents are responsible for the children and have all the power in the nuclear family. In my article I want to consider some variants of deviations from this norm and their consequences.
Triangulation is an emotional process between two people that tends to involve a third in a relationship. In a broken family where internal boundaries are blurred, parents can sometimes make children their emotional partners. This is an inverted hierarchy, in which the status of the child in the family is equal to the parent. Continue reading
“Marriage is not a good thing to call” – says the famous aphorism. And about the destruction of the institution of modern marriage, and about the statistics of divorce, and about the new forms of marriage, too, said a lot. Yes, and I have the most experience of two failed marriages, which had to be terminated because of their complete lack of viability. And yet, (and perhaps that is why), I wanted to write an article in defense of marriage, because I have often wondered: why do we need a family? And the people around me, too, have repeatedly doubted the usefulness of this public institution, advocating for different more free forms of cohabitation.
At once we will decide on “virgin persons”, that is with me and some my friends and clients on which experience I intend to rely. I’m not one to whimper, “no man in the house is no life.” I have a good experience of positive loneliness and raising children without their fathers. That is, when I was married, we lived worse in every sense, (and mental, and financial, and in all the others, too). And I still believe that not every marriage should be preserved. And “live for the sake of the children” is also not worth it, the kids will only get worse. Continue reading