Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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Diagnosis: depreciation. How to live?
The idea of this article hovered in the air for a long time, supported by doubts and non-existent grievances. Increasingly, I began to pull out of the context of "do…

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Psychological problems of marriage
As you know, "all happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." So how do happy families resemble each other? And so…

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feelings

If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility

It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is no one but you to do it. And without this it is difficult for a person to live. Not getting support from you, the child builds it himself, and as proper oporozhnenie no one has taught his strategies are often maladaptive: diseases of the body, nervous disorders, trouble in my life.

What’s that got to do with it? In the literal sense at all. About a man who received support from parents, saying: “Nothing of him/her not answering,” or “dusted himself off/confused and went/and” or “was born with the caul/Las”, etc. and whining, disease, poor health and eternal trouble is not destiny, and call for help, search the equilibrium point.

At any age there are moments when someone has to give support from the outside. Even if you have a thousand supports inside, sometimes you need a thousand first, a new one. Ideally, it is given by parents. When there are no parents or they can not, because they themselves without support, then give friends, spouses, psychotherapist, temporarily “getting up” for you in the parental place. Continue reading

Beliefs that shape co-dependence

I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with “what you know…”, “you’re a baby, you warthog”. I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed of “I’m not as smart as they are.”

Having been born, the child has no idea who he is, and through communication with loved ones he develops an idea of himself. Surrounding are mirrors, in which children look at themselves with hand. From them they learn about themselves, based on their attitudes and words. And the image of yourself first built only from these assessments. And gradually the child begins to see himself as his close people see him, treats himself as they treat him. My initial self-esteem was built on devaluation, humiliation and toxic shame.

In our family, the manifestation of the Self by any member of the family was extremely undesirable and unbearable for everyone, because the words, thoughts, feelings, evoked reciprocal feelings: amazing, incomprehensible, sometimes unpleasant, and already forgotten by many, discarded for their uselessness (or pain).

And that had to be dealt with somehow. So it was easier to suppress any manifestation of the true Self. Continue reading

Beliefs that shape co-dependence
I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with "what you know...", "you're a baby, you warthog". I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed…

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A life that wasn't meant for me
What can you do for me? What does life look like that I can live? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my "share" and what is…

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It will be small or who have a family to support?
Tradition or partnership? Traditionally in our society it is believed that the main earner of money in the family should be a man. On the Internet you can find articles…

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Irina Mlodik: "old Age – it's time to get paid"
Is it possible to prepare for your own old age and how to behave with elderly relatives? This is the story of a psychologist, author of books and articles on…

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