"Pregnant together": how to survive nine months and not get divorced
Advice from a family psychologist for those whose marital relationship is being tested by pregnancy. Relationships in a couple – a complex process and sometimes confusing, and if the couple…

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Cheating and 5 needs in marriage
Adultery is a marker, a symptom of an unhappy marriage. Adultery can talk about the unmet needs of spouses in marriage. Without getting something in the family, the spouse is…

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Avoid toxic people, including toxic relatives
The decision not to contact a family member is deeply personal. For some of us, healing a mother's wound is only possible through contact with the mother. In this scenario,…

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feelings

If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility

It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is no one but you to do it. And without this it is difficult for a person to live. Not getting support from you, the child builds it himself, and as proper oporozhnenie no one has taught his strategies are often maladaptive: diseases of the body, nervous disorders, trouble in my life.

What’s that got to do with it? In the literal sense at all. About a man who received support from parents, saying: “Nothing of him/her not answering,” or “dusted himself off/confused and went/and” or “was born with the caul/Las”, etc. and whining, disease, poor health and eternal trouble is not destiny, and call for help, search the equilibrium point.

At any age there are moments when someone has to give support from the outside. Even if you have a thousand supports inside, sometimes you need a thousand first, a new one. Ideally, it is given by parents. When there are no parents or they can not, because they themselves without support, then give friends, spouses, psychotherapist, temporarily “getting up” for you in the parental place. Continue reading

Beliefs that shape co-dependence

I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with “what you know…”, “you’re a baby, you warthog”. I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed of “I’m not as smart as they are.”

Having been born, the child has no idea who he is, and through communication with loved ones he develops an idea of himself. Surrounding are mirrors, in which children look at themselves with hand. From them they learn about themselves, based on their attitudes and words. And the image of yourself first built only from these assessments. And gradually the child begins to see himself as his close people see him, treats himself as they treat him. My initial self-esteem was built on devaluation, humiliation and toxic shame.

In our family, the manifestation of the Self by any member of the family was extremely undesirable and unbearable for everyone, because the words, thoughts, feelings, evoked reciprocal feelings: amazing, incomprehensible, sometimes unpleasant, and already forgotten by many, discarded for their uselessness (or pain).

And that had to be dealt with somehow. So it was easier to suppress any manifestation of the true Self. Continue reading

On the women's separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a…

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I hate my sister
About jealousy between siblings (siblings) used to speak as a normal feeling. No one perceives it as a kind of imbalance, rather we tend to consider it as a necessary…

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I do not like who I live with, how I live, and the future that awaits me
Writes me Tatiana: Olga, good afternoon. Please analyze your situation and state of mind. I am 32 years old, married 10 years, child 4 years. There are all the attributes…

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Dreams of a "normal family". Two sides of the same model
Where do they come from these dreams of an ideal family? From childhood? But not the fact that you would like to live the way your parents lived. Probably the…

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