On the women's separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a…

Continue reading →

Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

Continue reading →

It's simple. About family rituals and traditions
Working with family (and its subsystems separately: husband + wife, parent + child, and other diverse set of "deuce"/"Troika") I often touch themes family rituals and traditions. "What traditions do…

Continue reading →

life

10 myths about married life

The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years of successful experience with married couples and my thoughts on this, I decided to describe 10 common myths about married life, which many couples take for the truth of pure water.

Myth 1. Similarity and kinship are a permanent basis for a long-term relationship. Many spouses firmly believe that the same views on life, interests, principles is a prerequisite for living all life with your partner. This mythology is well represent Proverbs and sayings from the category of “Husband and wife is one Satan”, “pair”, etc.

But in fact: the relationship and some conditional sameness of man and woman is certainly important at the stage of entering into a relationship. This provides a common basis on which to approach and make joint plans for life. However, the family is a dynamic system, and at some point there is a need for differentiation in married life. And it turns out that it is very convenient and interesting to live, for example, in a complementary pair, when different or even opposite features of partners perfectly complement each other and enrich the marriage! Continue reading

12 ways to forgive grievances parents

Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in the criticism of a parent’s love? This psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya told at the lecture “Children’s insults: is there a chance to establish already spoiled relations?”.

Try not to forgive, but to understand.
They had no resource
Remember that they had a very hard life – work, lack of money, getting food, time-consuming life, standing in queues. Strongly wound parents were not psychologically sensitive and gave children the resource for which they were enough.
They were young and inexperienced
Sometimes it is very useful to remember at what age your parents were at that time. Often they were people 25-26 years old, inexperienced and insecure.

Don’t shut up.
If you feel resentment for the parents, do not be silent about it. It is impossible not to recognize that to you it was bad. For a very long time this topic was tabooed and there was only one option: “Parents are Holy people, they raised you and gave life, they need to love, respect and not complain” or: “If you were bad – it’s your own fault.” Continue reading

Adoption of parents. Stages of living

Acceptance is letting go of a situation, completing the process of grieving for the loss of something important to us. Loss of illusions, that will as we want, not so as there is. Acceptance is the final stage in completing and living a difficult situation, it is the stage of assimilation and “closing the Gestalt”. This is when we agree with what is already there, and there is no desire to redo and change it, it is a reality that simply is and can (should) be based on it.

Across from me sits a client, she is in a “normal” relationship with her parents and everything is fine. “I took them,” she says. That’s just depression, which is already frequented to be chronic, and ruin everything. What a temptation to immediately “let go” without entering the process of grief and not living. How sometimes we deceive ourselves, seeing ourselves at the finish line, not going far from the start. Unfortunately, this is only the appearance of Acceptance.

At some point of life, anyway life confronts you with circumstances that “forced” to look at the past, in-progress, in negated and forgotten. Continue reading

I hate my sister
About jealousy between siblings (siblings) used to speak as a normal feeling. No one perceives it as a kind of imbalance, rather we tend to consider it as a necessary…

...

Parents
In order to endure childish affection, which may seem clingy and annoying, as well as children's affects like outbursts of hatred for younger brothers and sisters, and children's whims, and…

...

The art of raising a slave
Have you noticed that adults often treat children as an uncomfortable object, which greatly complicates their parental existence? Like an annoying fly that you have to fend off, like a…

...

Marriage of convenience: the truth about a relationship without feelings
Is there any sense in a marriage of convenience in contemporary reality? On this topic argues Gestalt therapist Andrew Yudin. There is such an interesting phenomenon in psychology: human stereotypes…

...