A life that wasn't meant for me
What can you do for me? What does life look like that I can live? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my "share" and what is…

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Sacred marriage or why do we need a Sacred marriage or why do we need a family??
"Marriage is not a good thing to call" – says the famous aphorism. And about the destruction of the institution of modern marriage, and about the statistics of divorce, and…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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life

10 myths about married life

The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years of successful experience with married couples and my thoughts on this, I decided to describe 10 common myths about married life, which many couples take for the truth of pure water.

Myth 1. Similarity and kinship are a permanent basis for a long-term relationship. Many spouses firmly believe that the same views on life, interests, principles is a prerequisite for living all life with your partner. This mythology is well represent Proverbs and sayings from the category of “Husband and wife is one Satan”, “pair”, etc.

But in fact: the relationship and some conditional sameness of man and woman is certainly important at the stage of entering into a relationship. This provides a common basis on which to approach and make joint plans for life. However, the family is a dynamic system, and at some point there is a need for differentiation in married life. And it turns out that it is very convenient and interesting to live, for example, in a complementary pair, when different or even opposite features of partners perfectly complement each other and enrich the marriage! Continue reading

12 ways to forgive grievances parents

Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in the criticism of a parent’s love? This psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya told at the lecture “Children’s insults: is there a chance to establish already spoiled relations?”.

Try not to forgive, but to understand.
They had no resource
Remember that they had a very hard life – work, lack of money, getting food, time-consuming life, standing in queues. Strongly wound parents were not psychologically sensitive and gave children the resource for which they were enough.
They were young and inexperienced
Sometimes it is very useful to remember at what age your parents were at that time. Often they were people 25-26 years old, inexperienced and insecure.

Don’t shut up.
If you feel resentment for the parents, do not be silent about it. It is impossible not to recognize that to you it was bad. For a very long time this topic was tabooed and there was only one option: “Parents are Holy people, they raised you and gave life, they need to love, respect and not complain” or: “If you were bad – it’s your own fault.” Continue reading

Adoption of parents. Stages of living

Acceptance is letting go of a situation, completing the process of grieving for the loss of something important to us. Loss of illusions, that will as we want, not so as there is. Acceptance is the final stage in completing and living a difficult situation, it is the stage of assimilation and “closing the Gestalt”. This is when we agree with what is already there, and there is no desire to redo and change it, it is a reality that simply is and can (should) be based on it.

Across from me sits a client, she is in a “normal” relationship with her parents and everything is fine. “I took them,” she says. That’s just depression, which is already frequented to be chronic, and ruin everything. What a temptation to immediately “let go” without entering the process of grief and not living. How sometimes we deceive ourselves, seeing ourselves at the finish line, not going far from the start. Unfortunately, this is only the appearance of Acceptance.

At some point of life, anyway life confronts you with circumstances that “forced” to look at the past, in-progress, in negated and forgotten. Continue reading

"Why didn't you leave me?!"Notes of the psychotherapist
My wife and I haven't slept together in 8 years. – He said he jumped into the hole. Almost there. Apparently, long leader was coming with the spirit of, to…

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What is the crisis of marriage institution and what it eats
Tons of classical literature and kilometers of film melodramatic films created the illusion of great and pure love, which certainly ends in marriage and further "they lived happily ever after."…

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Such a common story...
Part 1. Lyrical She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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