A life that wasn't meant for me
What can you do for me? What does life look like that I can live? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my "share" and what is…

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Invisible girl, or Cigarettes in exchange for mom's love
Deaf, stupid, impotent rage covered Olga with a concrete slab. Can't breathe, can't get enough air. How tired she was of all these papers, people, negotiations, endless parental "need", "we…

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Violations of hierarchy in the family system. What parents should not do with their children
Hierarchy Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of…

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love

Such a common story…

Part 1. Lyrical
She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on maternity leave. She has a husband and a little daughter who love her and expect love from her.

She calls her mother hoping to hear from her that she loves her, thinks about her, hear just warm words of support, so necessary to her now. But in response she hears only the now familiar criticism, evaluation, instruction. Mom on the phone regularly tells her what a bad hostess she is, a useless mother, an ungrateful daughter.

She listens to all of this, then cries. Crying quietly, to no one in my family noticed her tears. But she keeps calling anyway. She hopes that her mother will ever change and tell her those words that she so long expected of her. She does not notice that there are two people who want her attention, love and warmth: husband and daughter. Continue reading

Violations of hierarchy in the family system. What parents should not do with their children

Hierarchy
Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of one family member on others.

One of the provisions of the hierarchy is that in the family the parents are responsible for the children and have all the power in the nuclear family. In my article I want to consider some variants of deviations from this norm and their consequences.

Triangulation
Triangulation is an emotional process between two people that tends to involve a third in a relationship. In a broken family where internal boundaries are blurred, parents can sometimes make children their emotional partners. This is an inverted hierarchy, in which the status of the child in the family is equal to the parent. Continue reading

What is the crisis of marriage institution and what it eats

Tons of classical literature and kilometers of film melodramatic films created the illusion of great and pure love, which certainly ends in marriage and further “they lived happily ever after.” And although recent Hollywood movies (not only Arthouse) are beginning to put in the center of the plot the most mysterious thing that follows after the phrase “they lived happily ever after”, in the collective unconscious is strong idea of the ideal “spherical horse in a vacuum”, an ideal marriage that “everyone except me”.

Someone believes that “Romeo and Juliet”, a story about the love-hormonal fever of two 14 – year-olds, which five days after their acquaintance ended in a double suicide, is about love. Someone envious sighs, reviewing for the umpteenth time the movie “Pretty woman” about an insecure man incapable of emotional contact, trying to remove their alarm using a control (money + power) over a known-vulnerable partner.

Yes, of course, a movie or a book about a calm, trusting, open relationship would be boring. Passions and intrigue to experience more interesting. And let it be so, then there are stories. But these images people are beginning seek and in life and disappointed, that unicorns, it turns out, not there is. Continue reading

Adoption of parents. Stages of living
Acceptance is letting go of a situation, completing the process of grieving for the loss of something important to us. Loss of illusions, that will as we want, not so…

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Happy family model: where to get it?
The ability to model, imitate, adopt the skills of other people is one of the basic skills of any person. Let us remember how a small child learns: he watches.…

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Children and cuisine: risks of the "new Patriarchate"
The women of Victorian England were almost invisible to the law. The term "male person" (male person), which denoted a full-fledged person, brought gentle ladies in corsets beyond the legal…

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Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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