Avoid toxic people, including toxic relatives
The decision not to contact a family member is deeply personal. For some of us, healing a mother's wound is only possible through contact with the mother. In this scenario,…

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Mom doesn't have (memo adult children)
Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers…

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Family vampires: one controls, the other sabotages
I'm sure it's really very hard and unpleasant, when you are used as a trash can for the disposal of negative emotions. And in his own home. But what does…

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parents

12 ways to forgive grievances parents

Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in the criticism of a parent’s love? This psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya told at the lecture “Children’s insults: is there a chance to establish already spoiled relations?”.

Try not to forgive, but to understand.
They had no resource
Remember that they had a very hard life – work, lack of money, getting food, time-consuming life, standing in queues. Strongly wound parents were not psychologically sensitive and gave children the resource for which they were enough.
They were young and inexperienced
Sometimes it is very useful to remember at what age your parents were at that time. Often they were people 25-26 years old, inexperienced and insecure.

Don’t shut up.
If you feel resentment for the parents, do not be silent about it. It is impossible not to recognize that to you it was bad. For a very long time this topic was tabooed and there was only one option: “Parents are Holy people, they raised you and gave life, they need to love, respect and not complain” or: “If you were bad – it’s your own fault.” Continue reading

Mom doesn’t have (memo adult children)

Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers who tie, afraid of loneliness and uselessness, and whose world is centered around children. We used to believe that parents have a lot of responsibility for the quality of life of their children.

But there are also children who do not leave.

To leave, to leave, and sometimes, if it is necessary for survival – to leave is a task of the grown-up children if they want to find the way. And this is often much more complicated.

Because if the parents are comfortable and warm, more than uncomfortable, the impulse to “break away from” is difficult to be born, to form.

And if the parents are difficult, cold and painful, I really want to believe that it can change and I can influence it. Children’s omnipotence has not been canceled, and it is able to hold strong emotionally near parents, even physically you will be Oh how far.

Also firmly holds the idea of parental responsibility. If he gave birth, he must. Try to imagine that you shouldn’t. Continue reading

Adoption of parents. Stages of living

Acceptance is letting go of a situation, completing the process of grieving for the loss of something important to us. Loss of illusions, that will as we want, not so as there is. Acceptance is the final stage in completing and living a difficult situation, it is the stage of assimilation and “closing the Gestalt”. This is when we agree with what is already there, and there is no desire to redo and change it, it is a reality that simply is and can (should) be based on it.

Across from me sits a client, she is in a “normal” relationship with her parents and everything is fine. “I took them,” she says. That’s just depression, which is already frequented to be chronic, and ruin everything. What a temptation to immediately “let go” without entering the process of grief and not living. How sometimes we deceive ourselves, seeing ourselves at the finish line, not going far from the start. Unfortunately, this is only the appearance of Acceptance.

At some point of life, anyway life confronts you with circumstances that “forced” to look at the past, in-progress, in negated and forgotten. Continue reading

How to separate from my parents or why I don't live the way I want
Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood. About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find…

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Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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Five reasons why unloved daughters choose the wrong partners
"How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her.…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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