Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood.
About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find a “Golden mean”, says psychologist and trauma therapist Ksenia Wittenberg.
Relationship with parents is a problem for most
About a third of all client requests are about relationships with parents.
Forces withstand this truth, to agree with his drama and to accept its as part of its history. And stop to demand the lost love and care or compensation for the suffering. This is the process of separation.
Begins, usually with such those:
After my mother’s call, I spend half the day depressed, digesting.
Why does she have to put me down as soon as I get better? Continue reading
As you know, “all happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” So how do happy families resemble each other? And so the love can continue throughout life? The American psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist Judith Wallerstein tried to answer these questions.
I would like to introduce you to the findings of her study of 50 happy couples, in which she used the case study method. Couples who met the following criteria were selected to participate in the study:
1. The couple must be legally married for at least 9 years;
2. A couple has one or more children;
3. Both husband and wife consider their marriage happy;
4. The consent of both spouses to both individual and joint interviews.
On the basis of this study suggested that Wallerstein nine psychological tasks of marriage that challenge men and women throughout their life journey. These tasks – a kind of building blocks of a harmonious and strong marriage. These tasks, as they transform, are the work of marriage, which allows to maintain a high quality of relations under the stresses of modern society and the changes occurring with each of the partners throughout life. Continue reading
“How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her. How come I didn’t see him treating me the same way my mother did? Just hands down.”
The truth is that each of us – loved or not – is looking for the familiar and subconsciously we are attracted to what we are familiar with. And it’s a great formula for success if you grew up in a family where your parents supported and loved you. In this case, there is a high chance that you will use your spinal cord to sense people who are prone to manipulation and control and will stay away from them, finding a partner interested in the same things that you are interested in: mutual cooperation, open communication, proximity and support. But this is not the case with women who have formed an insecure type of attachment, whose emotional needs were not met in childhood, especially if an anxious type of attachment was formed.
It looks like this: “Two marriages, one worse than the other. The first partner was a control freak, and the second was a classic narcissist. At that moment, I didn’t trust myself enough to go on a date. How did it happen that after living to 45 years, you can not understand people at all.” Continue reading