“Marriage is not a good thing to call” – says the famous aphorism. And about the destruction of the institution of modern marriage, and about the statistics of divorce, and about the new forms of marriage, too, said a lot. Yes, and I have the most experience of two failed marriages, which had to be terminated because of their complete lack of viability. And yet, (and perhaps that is why), I wanted to write an article in defense of marriage, because I have often wondered: why do we need a family? And the people around me, too, have repeatedly doubted the usefulness of this public institution, advocating for different more free forms of cohabitation.
At once we will decide on “virgin persons”, that is with me and some my friends and clients on which experience I intend to rely. I’m not one to whimper, “no man in the house is no life.” I have a good experience of positive loneliness and raising children without their fathers. That is, when I was married, we lived worse in every sense, (and mental, and financial, and in all the others, too). And I still believe that not every marriage should be preserved. And “live for the sake of the children” is also not worth it, the kids will only get worse. Continue reading
“How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her. How come I didn’t see him treating me the same way my mother did? Just hands down.”
The truth is that each of us – loved or not – is looking for the familiar and subconsciously we are attracted to what we are familiar with. And it’s a great formula for success if you grew up in a family where your parents supported and loved you. In this case, there is a high chance that you will use your spinal cord to sense people who are prone to manipulation and control and will stay away from them, finding a partner interested in the same things that you are interested in: mutual cooperation, open communication, proximity and support. But this is not the case with women who have formed an insecure type of attachment, whose emotional needs were not met in childhood, especially if an anxious type of attachment was formed.
It looks like this: “Two marriages, one worse than the other. The first partner was a control freak, and the second was a classic narcissist. At that moment, I didn’t trust myself enough to go on a date. How did it happen that after living to 45 years, you can not understand people at all.” Continue reading
About jealousy between siblings (siblings) used to speak as a normal feeling. No one perceives it as a kind of imbalance, rather we tend to consider it as a necessary condition for competition.
In this there is some truth, as to imagine a family in which none of the siblings would not be familiar with this feeling residual difficult. Therefore, I want to consider not the question of jealousy, but its scale, in terms of the origin of this feeling in the family.
Jealousy means that I would like to have something that the other has. In this case, we are talking about the mother’s (rarely father’s) love. And rather not about its quality, but about its quantity, as the child thinks. For a mother, it may be a matter of quality, but not quantity. Mothers often say they love the children equally in strength, but different in manifestations. This depends on a number of factors.
1. The order of birth.
What turns a child is born determines their relationship to it. Senior isn’t always first. Before him, there may have been children who, for example, did not survive. There may have been pregnancies that ended in abortion, miscarriage, or frozen pregnancy. Continue reading