Beliefs that shape co-dependence
I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with "what you know...", "you're a baby, you warthog". I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed…

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Parents, don't teach us to live!
The question came: "How to make it clear to her husband's parents that the son has grown up, married and he has his own family! it is not necessary for…

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Diagnosis: depreciation. How to live?
The idea of this article hovered in the air for a long time, supported by doubts and non-existent grievances. Increasingly, I began to pull out of the context of "do…

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stress

“My husband doesn’t want me”

A topic that is not customary to talk about. A topic that causes women a lot of shame and guilt. The theme, which, though not so noticeable as to bodily anxiety, make good money, those who know how this is not an isolated phenomenon.

Meanwhile, Google can easily tell us that sexless marriage (lack of sex in marriage) is one of the most popular women’s requests, and men, blackmailing and silently refusing their wives in sex, much more common phenomenon than many who grew up on jokes about the ever-sick head of his wife, it seems.

In the Patriarchal cultural paradigm, the refusal of a man, especially a permanent partner, creates serious pressure on a woman, generating an avalanche of shame and anxiety under the General title “what is wrong with me so much that a man refuses sex”. The woman in this situation often have to bear the burden of “fault” – you have to be sexier, more beautiful, more interesting, more proactive, more mysterious and other slogans spooky psychobabble of training such as “fundamentals of respiratory dearest”, cleverly parasitic on such anxieties. Continue reading

Parental stress

Quite often young parents are told: “Come on, here our grandmothers gave birth to ten children, and nothing, and you can not cope with one.” But really, cultural norms, attachments, and expectations as parents and towards children has changed considerably.

If earlier the baby could spend half a day alone in a cradle, which from time to time shakes some average girl, not very well-fed and with wet diapers, while the mother takes care of cattle or engaged in other things, of the born ten children survived half, and every third woman died in childbirth (not necessarily in the first, but nevertheless), now the situation is different – we do not rely on natural selection, and we know that every step we take, every investment we make will respond to what the child’s fate will be, how society will treat parents, and how likely it is that a grown child will want to see us.

This creates huge pressure on parents: whether I feed him, whether I keep, whether in that garden sent?

This is how parental stress is born – it also leads to parental burnout, loss of empathy, feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, and sometimes – to aggression against the child. Continue reading

Mom doesn't have (memo adult children)
Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers…

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Parents, don't teach us to live!
The question came: "How to make it clear to her husband's parents that the son has grown up, married and he has his own family! it is not necessary for…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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