The husband is often found in the projection of the father, these two figures, in the perception of women, interwoven into one. If father was brutal – husband is perceived intolerant and evil. If the father did not give something, in the husband, first of all, greed is seen. If the father was estranged, and the husband and wife case no.
In General, the relationship with his father is about prospects, success in life, about relationships with men, about financial prosperity. Question: who is your father, means, ultimately, who are you?
On consultation the woman “for forty”, tells that at the husband pneumonia, the ambulance took away it to hospital, on her face tears flow… I sympathize, but, to my surprise, it turns out that the reason of her crying not fears for health of the husband, she grieves for the father who died a year ago.
Wiping tears and sobbing, the woman tells the circumstances of her birth. That the father wanted a son and was disappointed by the appearance of his daughter. And that after she was born, he left home for two weeks. And mom thought he’d never come back. Continue reading
The good news is that we can close this unpleasant topic once and for all. The bad news is that you have to grow up very quickly, and – surprise! – to abandon some of their stereotypical expectations.
Don’t expect mom to understand.
While the baby is very small, mom really has a lot to understand: he is cold or hungry, he is interested or he is tired… But the older the person becomes, the harder it desires and the less debt remains at mom’s. In the end, mom is also a person with her own views and limitations, with her life position, and it may not coincide with yours. It’s life.
You can argue your views, but do not get involved in endless disputes! It makes no sense: if mom does not agree with your arguments, it is unlikely to convince her. Fortunately, even in this case, all is not lost.
Normally: with age, a person becomes more independent – but, as you know, sometimes the age comes alone. If you can not provide yourself with the most necessary, including housing and food, the hope that your arguments will be listened to, is rapidly melting. Continue reading
“How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her. How come I didn’t see him treating me the same way my mother did? Just hands down.”
The truth is that each of us – loved or not – is looking for the familiar and subconsciously we are attracted to what we are familiar with. And it’s a great formula for success if you grew up in a family where your parents supported and loved you. In this case, there is a high chance that you will use your spinal cord to sense people who are prone to manipulation and control and will stay away from them, finding a partner interested in the same things that you are interested in: mutual cooperation, open communication, proximity and support. But this is not the case with women who have formed an insecure type of attachment, whose emotional needs were not met in childhood, especially if an anxious type of attachment was formed.
It looks like this: “Two marriages, one worse than the other. The first partner was a control freak, and the second was a classic narcissist. At that moment, I didn’t trust myself enough to go on a date. How did it happen that after living to 45 years, you can not understand people at all.” Continue reading
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our marriage. At the time, it seemed to me that within the framework of socially approved views on the behavior of a diligent wife and mother, I honestly fulfill my part of the duties.
And then this phrase… Like a bucket of ice water was poured on my head. I digested it for a long time, trying to understand the intricacies of the words in the sentence.
Brought up in the traditions of the Soviet family, I believed in the myth that the wife is primarily a mother and mistress. Other functions – as tasks of increased complexity in the control work: you can do as you wish, if there is time. I could say with confidence that I was doing everything right and as it should be an exemplary wife. I just thought one thing and felt another. Words and actions can lie, feelings can never. It is possible to deceive others, the truth is not to hide.
And truth was such.
I’m bored doing household chores. Continue reading
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years of successful experience with married couples and my thoughts on this, I decided to describe 10 common myths about married life, which many couples take for the truth of pure water.
Myth 1. Similarity and kinship are a permanent basis for a long-term relationship. Many spouses firmly believe that the same views on life, interests, principles is a prerequisite for living all life with your partner. This mythology is well represent Proverbs and sayings from the category of “Husband and wife is one Satan”, “pair”, etc.
But in fact: the relationship and some conditional sameness of man and woman is certainly important at the stage of entering into a relationship. This provides a common basis on which to approach and make joint plans for life. However, the family is a dynamic system, and at some point there is a need for differentiation in married life. And it turns out that it is very convenient and interesting to live, for example, in a complementary pair, when different or even opposite features of partners perfectly complement each other and enrich the marriage! Continue reading