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My colleague and I once talked about values. And I enthusiastically said this phrase: "Here, for example, family is a great value for me. That's why I got divorced." He…

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“Pregnant together”: how to survive nine months and not get divorced

Advice from a family psychologist for those whose marital relationship is being tested by pregnancy.

Relationships in a couple – a complex process and sometimes confusing, and if the couple decided to get offspring, then there is no special attention to communication, understanding the feelings and emotions of each other can not do.

Why family conflicts escalate
Remember the wonderful movie “Junior” with Schwarzenegger in the title role? Reconsider! A healthy, physically strong and emotionally balanced character Arnold cried like a child because of the sentimental little things. The Director and writers managed to fully reflect and convey the emotional state of the pregnant woman in a playful and careful manner, inviting the man to change roles and survive these “terrible” States. It’s funny to see how a strong man needed a woman to take care of him.

Pregnancy strengthens all processes and “pain points” of the personality.

Despite the fact that pregnancy can be a long-awaited, planned or natural continuation of the relationship, it does not take away from her truly phenomenal nature. Starting from the biological and physiological level, when there is a powerful restructuring of the woman’s body, to the psychological level – the hormonal level changes, affecting mood, food preferences, relationships. Everything that used to be interesting is replaced by new Hobbies, views on reality. Now the woman realizes that she is not alone, in the literal sense, and attention should be distributed to the care of herself and the child.

The dramatic point may be that some couples are not ready for these changes.

In connection with the change of behavior and the state of the wife, patience is not enough for everyone, and the lack of patience is the very reason for conflicts in the couple. So if a man not can cope with their or women’s trumps emotion, then turns into one of cowboy characters Clint Eastwood: cold steel glance from-under a wide-brimmed hats, from which have enemies all goosebumps run Pat on the back, and the disappearance of on twilight in an unknown direction.

In justification of men can say only one thing: both women and men, heavily experienced mood swings, emotional outbursts of anger or excessive anxiety partner. After all, the usual human politeness has not been canceled.

Human relations are not a circus, a theatre or a court.

Therefore, women often complain of emotional coldness in a relationship – there is no understanding, emotional support, interest. Formed emotional and verbal emptiness. One of the most common misconceptions boils down to the fact that the bouquet and candy period is over, do not try more – everything will slowly develop. It won’t.

Relationships need to be worked on as a meaningful life project.

After all, as they say, “a Holy place is never empty”, and the relationship is an excellent field for all kinds of projections, both positive and negative. Emotional deficits in relationships cause dissatisfaction, resentment and quarrels. For example, if at the beginning of the relationship the chosen one appeared in the image of the same man, almost or precisely ideal, then the lack of emotionality and communication by the end of pregnancy may well turn him into a monster.

These tips will save the family
One day a man came to work in a badly ironed shirt, tired, with a swollen face and red eyes, as if crying all night. A friend asked him in surprise:

– What’s wrong with you today?

– I’m pregnant! the young husband said with an unhappy look.

– What?! the colleague laughed.

– Yes, the whole night went for ice cream, for pills, over the chocolate, something! I’m sleepy.

In fact, everything is much easier, because pregnancy is a great time for mutual care, expression of love and tenderness, communication and building a harmonious Union of two future parents. It is enough to perform small and very simple recommendations:
Keep an interest in each other. Be interested in thoughts and feelings, offer leisure options in which you would be pleased to participate together. Fantasize, dream, make plans, discuss your views on parenting. Strive for mutual understanding;
Respect each other’s personalities. Stop paying attention to the shortcomings, emphasize the advantages. Do not ask questions to which you will not get a calm, decent answer: “Listen, and when you give birth, you will lose weight?”, “And when I give birth, you will earn a million dollars a month?”. Everything that touches the dignity of a person, exposes absurd and categorical criticism of his body, personality, views of the world, skills and lifestyle, will certainly cause resentment and anger;
Support each other in front of other people – colleagues, parents, neighbors. For example, some compassionate people who like to stick their nose out of their business, may ask inappropriate, and sometimes even stupid or rude questions: “And you have a baby before marriage, right? Well, that’s not Christian, yeah.” Some parents like to compete with young spouses – so, the father of one woman always found fault with the son-in-law: “What?! Can’t you Wallpaper the room yourself?”. In this case, the daughter can stand up for her husband and say: “He spends so much time at work! With the money we earn, we will hire workers who will do it perfectly”;
Forgive missteps and mistakes, do not dwell on them. The real world is far from perfect, and absolutely anyone makes a lot of mistakes in life – from the most minor to significant. This is a completely normal phenomenon: so a person acquires life experience. Everything else is utopia. So do not demand from the partner that the person apologized for every little thing, Express support and understanding: “it’s Okay, just next time do as I ask you” instead of “Until you apologize, I will not do anything at home!”;
Express empathy and emotional involvement. It is difficult to be in a relationship if the couple is emotionally deaf to each other, reject or question feelings and devalue experiences.

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