Cheating and 5 needs in marriage
Adultery is a marker, a symptom of an unhappy marriage. Adultery can talk about the unmet needs of spouses in marriage. Without getting something in the family, the spouse is looking for it on the side.
Not every family can overcome treason. Therefore, it is easier to engage in marital relations at the first “bells” of dissatisfaction than to subject your marriage to such a test.
American researcher, author of “His needs, her needs: building a marriage without change” Willard Hadley conducted an experiment involving more than 800 couples and identified the basic needs of men and women in marriage, the satisfaction of which, the spouses consider each other irresistible.
Thus, there are five needs in marriage, the satisfaction of which sharply reduce the possibility of adultery. Here they are:
1. Women have a need for tenderness. When a man gives a woman flowers , hugs her, kisses her, holds her hand, the woman feels that the partner loves her as a woman.
Men have a need for sexual satisfaction. Often in therapy, women complain about the lack of tenderness on the part of men, as a rule, the same women share that regularly deny her husband intimacy. These needs are paired: if a man does not show tenderness, he will not get sex, if a woman refuses her husband in sexual intercourse, he will not show tenderness.
2. Have women: need in conversation. A woman needs a man to listen to her, to react emotionally to what her husband shares. During courtship couples talk a lot, showing each other their interest and love. Women expect this interest to continue in marriage. W. Hadley as a result of the study revealed that to meet this need, a woman needs about 15 hours a week of undivided attention of a partner. It’s about 2 hours a day.
For a man, a woman should be a good companion for rest and entertainment. Often before marriage, women are happy being involved in the entertainment of the pit, go fishing, watch football, etc. In marriage, trying to captivate the partner of their leisure. Or just allow one partner to relax and have fun. This can be very dangerous for marriage, because, to their surprise, men attach great importance to the ability of the wife to become a faithful companion for rest and entertainment.
3. Women’s need – honesty and openness of the spouse. The woman needs the truth, both in daily Affairs, and in emergency cases, both in trifles, and in large Affairs. If a man hides information or deceives, his reliability for women is destroyed. A woman can feel insecure.
Male need: physical attractiveness of the wife. This need has two aspects. The first is the opportunity to present an attractive woman to society as a wife. The second aspect – in a love relationship it is hard for a man to appreciate his wife only for mental qualities. Men have a deep need for physical attractiveness for the wife.
4. A woman needs enough money. Perhaps money is never a lot, but there is a very specific amount, which is enough for life, when there is security and confidence in the future. Women want to have a free choice between a housewife and a career.
A man needs home comfort. A man’s need for peace and home comfort is so great that they often fantasize about how his wife meets him with joy and love at the door of a house in which well-behaved children welcome him and invite him to join the comfort of a well-arranged home. This fantasy is continued in the fact that his wife invites him to sit down and relax before a delicious dinner. Then the family goes for an evening walk, after which the children go to sleep. Then they relax with their wife, talk, watch a little TV, then go to the bedroom to have sex. Wives can laugh at this scenario. Reality often presents other circumstances. But the need for such men have.
5. It is important for a woman that a man be a good father to his children. Not even a good father, but a role model. It is important for a wife to see her beloved child in the hands of her beloved man.
A man needs admiration. A man wants to be proud of himself. Admiration must be distinguished from appreciation. “You’re good, you’re cool, you’re the best” is the score. Admiration can be expressed through the feeling that causes a woman’s behavior of a man. For example, “I am happy when I see your achievements”, “I am pleased when you are beautifully dressed”, “I admire you and feel the support when you protect me in anything”. The most important thing is to admire sincerely, let it be something small and insignificant, but that causes true positive emotions.
When these needs are met, the partners find each other irresistible, the marital bond becomes stronger, the Foundation for mutual love and loyalty is strengthened.
If You very much want to keep your love and are ready to overcome the tension in marriage together, then one of the steps in this direction can be a Frank conversation about your mutual expectations and needs. Try to hear each other, listen, and maybe change something in your presentation and behavior.
I sincerely hope that this article will remind You of the necessity to take care of yourself and your spouse. Maybe someone wants to do something nice for a partner right now: bake a delicious cake, or buy flowers, and can thank for something. Life consists of little things, so let these little things be pleasant.