On the women’s separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a desirable condition.
The necessary conditions for a happy marriage is:
A mother-seraped man. After all, Taim man is difficult to manipulate and manage and such a man will not do it himself;
Woman, free from interact ( settings, beliefs, values) that it is incomplete without a man. That is, it is a woman who feels great as a couple with a man, and without it. After all, such a woman is difficult to manipulate and manage. And a woman like that wouldn’t do that.
And yet, back to the topic of women’s separation, as many of my readers are asked to talk about this process.
In fact, the separation process is much more difficult for girls. Why?
The boy before adolescence is identified with his mother and he will be separated from the mother figure and identified with the father figure in adolescence. Everything is so simple here.
The girl was identified with her mother in childhood. She will have to separate from her, get closer to her father, fall in love with him, separate from her father and re-identify as a woman in adolescence, when her mother becomes her friend. It is assumed that the Pope has already released and blessed the girl on the relationship with the boys. But alas, such a difficult path successfully passes not every girl.
Again, as in separating a boy from his mother, a girl can be repressed by guilt, shame for her sexuality, and fear of losing parental love.
Let’s first look at what happens to a woman if she is not separated from her father. One of the options of her fate: she will find me a husband a father type. This is the type of male boss, dictator, slave owner. She will tolerate his despotism, his devaluation and power over her, since he is a great Pope for her, a status man. Or she will find herself a weaker man and will constantly compare him with his father and will demand from him the exercise of paternal functions in relation to her, devaluing her in the insufficiency of his paternity towards her, until he completely turns into her son of great age. The psychological age of such a woman is 5-7 years. This is a girl seduced by her father, not necessarily physically, but maybe emotionally.
Her father may be completely dissatisfied with all her chosen ones. He becomes dissatisfied with it in adolescence, when she begins to pay attention to boys, and not the Pope and the Pope is absolutely not aware that his daughter gets jealous to everyone you meet that boy. He controls the time of her return home from dates and if she is late for 5 minutes, he will punish her with contempt and reproaches. He would convince her, still innocent, that she was a whore. As I said my father is still a little girl, zasmotrevshihsya the window, like a couple on the street kissing : “I will Not allow my name to drag through the bushes”.
Alas, this is an immature teen dad, completely unaware of his sexual attraction to his daughter. A girl in adolescence blooms, her Breasts grow, her figure is formed and she becomes very attractive and sexy, especially against the background of already set foot on the path of withering mother.
And here the most interesting begins: the mother unconsciously envies her daughter and if her envy is toxic, she begins to devalue her daughter, criticize, or climb to her, almost in the intimate zone, to relive the sweetness of the pores, when the excitement captures the young body entirely and when in addition to romance and love, you do not want to think about anything. And if the mother chose this path, it tightens control requires daughter the details of her relationship with the boy. Becomes obsessively included in the problems of her daughter, reads her diary, checks the phone.
Meanwhile, the Pope, seeing before his eyes in the blossom young women’s body can’t cope with his sexual excitement that he is not aware then he begins either to move away from his daughter and to show coldness and indifference to her, or beats her daughter hitherto never touching it physically. The girl in this case is subjected to a double attack at a time when it is time to separate from her parents. So both immature and unconscious parents punish the daughter for her sexuality and beauty. At this point, she feels bad and alone. And this is the first obstacle that the girl meets on her way in the process of separation from her parents.
Next, she will not be able to seduce men, throwing them almost immediately, as soon as she gets proof of her own attractiveness and sexuality. The second variant of development of events – the girl will turn into a blue stocking, in absolutely clamped and complexed being in a question of own sexuality. She will always be ashamed during sex, because she is not in the process of intimate contact in fact, and outside of it watching a movie in which the only focus of attention – “how I look now, is my posture and my body beautiful enough.. do not I look funny now” – she thinks during sex.. And of course what’s an orgasm?.. She will imitate it rather that the man believed in her sexuality and was not disappointed in her and did not leave her for her inability to surrender to him. She does not love her body and cannot use it well enough, because her mother and father made her understand that her sexuality is dangerous for both of them.
To separate from her father, a girl must stop relying on him, free herself from the illusion that there is a man in the world who will make her happy, stop believing that a man should become her support, a guarantor of stability, a source of monetary resources. Because it will have to pay dearly with their freedom and forever close the path to adulthood. This position of a woman leads her into a co-dependent relationship. Therefore, any woman should never agree to the maintenance of a man, even if he promises it to her. She should always have her own money, her own resources, on which she relies in case a man tells her “no”. She simply must disconnect the meaning of love from the meaning of money. Understand that the money men are his resources, and he owes nothing to her and will always dispose of their resources as he wants. And his money is his power over a woman. Therefore, the first thing that is important for a woman’s maturity is her source of income. Always!
A woman should look at her father soberly as an immature guy who could not cope with his sexual attraction to her and began to control her, be jealous or even beat or pulled away from her at the moment when he was most needed to tell her: “You are beautiful and you are so like boys, and I will be very happy if you find someone who sincerely love.. I bless you for your adult life…”
She should take responsibility for her life and not allow any man to push himself and enslave himself, and look at the man as an equal – the one who at some point can be both strong and weak, who can tell her both “Yes” and “no” and the one who in fact she does not owe anything and to whom she does not owe anything. And she has every right to say Yes and no to a man.
In a relationship with a man, a woman separated from her father does everything not out of guilt and fear of loss, but out of love and only out of love. She won’t go to bed with a man, raping herself with fear of loss and guilt, she won’t cook soup, falling from fatigue from feet. She’ll just tell the man calmly, ” I can’t take care of you today.”
I will give an example of what failures look like in a Mature pair:
Day 1: Husband: “Honey, what’s for dinner tonight?”. Wife: “Nothing, I today worked the entire day.. tired, darling.”Husband: “OK. Then I’ll cook buckwheat, will you eat with me? I’ll feed you too”
Day 2: Wife: “my Sun, give me a massage, my neck hurts.” Husband: “Oh, no. I’ve had a hard day today. I want a little privacy.” Wife: OK. I see. I’ll sign up for a massage tomorrow then.”
This is what the life of a separated man and woman looks like. They do everything for each other solely out of love and nothing out of violence.
Now another stage of separation of women. From mother.
If a boy needs to be separated from his mother – from the parent of the opposite sex (and this is much more logical and easier), then the girl needs to separate herself from the parent of her sex (this is a huge difficulty). She needs to become an adult, separating herself from her mother and entering the circle of women equal to herself.
But how to do it? As a rule, the girl makes attempts in adolescence, devaluing her mother, trying to defeat her in the competition for the mind, beauty, attractiveness, etc. And if the mother does not allow her daughter to devalue herself, and it is better if the mother will make it clear to her daughter that she (daughter) is smarter, prettier, more talented, more successful, and Vice versa is included in the competition with her daughter, the chances of separating from the girl are minimal. Such a mother rather despotically shows her daughter that she is nothing compared to her, that she knows nothing, knows nothing, and the worst thing is when the mother also devalues the appearance of her daughter to finally defeat her. She will prove to her daughter that without her mother’s advice and critical remarks, her daughter will not cope with anything in life, that she will not take place without her mother. The mother makes herself incredibly important in the eyes of her daughter and there comes a moment when the daughter begins to believe in her helplessness. And this is the most terrible moment in the fate of women.. if she decides to run away from such a mother, she runs away to marry a man who continues to undermine a woman’s faith in herself, devaluing and “reducing” her in the same way as her mother did, or the woman herself makes a man demands a small child, disliked by the mother.