How to explain to mom that you don’t want to get married: instructions
The good news is that we can close this unpleasant topic once and for all. The bad news is that you have to grow up very quickly, and – surprise! – to abandon some of their stereotypical expectations.
Don’t expect mom to understand.
While the baby is very small, mom really has a lot to understand: he is cold or hungry, he is interested or he is tired… But the older the person becomes, the harder it desires and the less debt remains at mom’s. In the end, mom is also a person with her own views and limitations, with her life position, and it may not coincide with yours. It’s life.
You can argue your views, but do not get involved in endless disputes! It makes no sense: if mom does not agree with your arguments, it is unlikely to convince her. Fortunately, even in this case, all is not lost.
Normally: with age, a person becomes more independent – but, as you know, sometimes the age comes alone. If you can not provide yourself with the most necessary, including housing and food, the hope that your arguments will be listened to, is rapidly melting.
Stupid phrase “the girl who dines, that it and dancing” in a sense, is a sad fact of life: if the dinner you feed the mother, she might have the impression that to dispose of your life as a whole she also has the right.
Therefore, ensure financial stability for a start. A clear demonstration of the fact that you are confident on your feet and quite satisfied with your own life, will help convince mom not with words, but with deeds.
If she sees that you are happy without her advice, it will significantly reduce the need to advise. Not necessarily reduce to zero, but definitely reduce!
But what if you have long been successful and independent, read my mother more than one lecture about his attitude to marriage, but her questions do not dry up?
Use the algorithm
Unlike countless passers-by-acquaintances, a single mother is quite possible to wean from uncomfortable questions. Swear. For these purposes, it is enough to perform a simple step-by-step instruction without deviations.
1. Make sure you get rid of your stereotypical expectations and material dependence on your parents.
Because otherwise the method will not work and may even worsen your relationship.
2. Explain your attitude to marriage once. Be well prepared, give all possible arguments, charts,graphs,statistics, if necessary. Anything you think will have an effect.
3. After you have spoken, warn me that you do not want to discuss this issue any more, and ask me not to touch on this topic.
4. From now on, as soon as my mother tries to once again find out when you are married, you should answer with a single phrase: “I will not discuss these issues.” Don’t get angry, don’t argue, don’t explain anything else. Just politely decline the discussion.
5. After that, just change the subject. Ask him how was work, how’s the Housecat Sam or neighbor Marya.
6. If the mother does not support the conversation, and returns to the theme of marriage – forget the phrase: “I’m not going to discuss these issues,” and say goodbye. Cut the communication. If you were on the phone – hang up. If you were at a party – go away politely, calmly, but confidently.
7. Next time, contact your mother on your own initiative. If you call her usually once a week – call in three days, for example. Start a conversation about work, a cat or a neighbor Mary Ivanovna.
8. If mom starts the marriage record again – go back to step 4.
In rough psychological terms, this algorithm is called “removing positive reinforcement from unwanted behavior.” That is your arguing and swearing you still support the discussion of this painful topic. Stop doing that. If the mother is not yet switched – interrupt communication.
But it is very important to make it clear that you stay close, just do not want to talk about family and marriage. That is why the next time you need to get in touch a little earlier, to clearly demonstrate good will: Yes, I want to communicate. Just something else, that’s all.
The most capable of parents lack literally one or two repetitions. On average, it takes three to five. In the most advanced cases, you have to go through this algorithm ten times. But if you are calm, polite and firm, the result will not be slow to wait.
Of course, this algorithm does not guarantee that mom will understand everything. But it will allow you to live in peace, without getting involved in the discussion of uncomfortable issues, and at the same time maintain a good enough relationship.
After all, personal life should be a source of pleasure, not injuries and fears. I wish it always was!