Marriage of convenience: the truth about a relationship without feelings
Is there any sense in a marriage of convenience in contemporary reality? On this topic argues Gestalt therapist Andrew Yudin. There is such an interesting phenomenon in psychology: human stereotypes…

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A life that wasn't meant for me
What can you do for me? What does life look like that I can live? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my "share" and what is…

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How to separate from my parents or why I don't live the way I want
Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood. About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find…

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Monthly Archives: February 2017

Two in the boat, not counting the crisis

From ancient Greek “crisis” is translated as “decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition”. Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple goes through a crisis, it has three ways: to pass it and reach a new level, to remain the same or to destroy the relationship.

The crisis is normal and natural. Relations cannot improve without a crisis. The couple that went through all the changes hand in hand is getting stronger. But how to understand who will cope with the crisis and who will not? We will tell you what critical stages you will have to go through, and what resources will help you survive the storm.

Regulatory crises
V. Satir, a family psychotherapist, outlined ten “dangerous” stages in the life of the family.
Childbirth;
The child begins to speak;
The child begins to communicate with people outside the family;
The child becomes a teenager;
The child grows up and begins to live separately from his parents;
Son or daughter form their family;
A woman begins menopause; Continue reading

It will be small or who have a family to support?

Tradition or partnership?
Traditionally in our society it is believed that the main earner of money in the family should be a man. On the Internet you can find articles like “What if the main earner – wife?”that is, it is considered as a problem. And never got something like “What to do if the husband earns more?!”At the same time, the reality is very different from the old ideas about “breadwinners”: women often earn no less, and even more than men.

Another question, which can also often be found on forums and in real conversations – “is it Worth pulling not working/earning a little husband?”That is, if the husband does not earn – why is he needed at all? Worry and husbands, reducing all variety of men’s roles only to one function – to bring money to the house. The rest – the role of the father of their children, the owner of the house, the emotional support of his wife – are considered as secondary.

In the ideal picture of a modern family (which, like everything ideal, practically does not occur), marriage is a joint venture of two adults and equal people, aimed at supporting the development of each of the partners.

In the ideal picture of a traditional family, marriage is the transfer of a woman to a man for the birth and upbringing of children (and housekeeping) in exchange for her provision and protection. Continue reading

My mother always said…

In a sense, every family is a little Prim England with its own traditions. They can relate to relationships, leisure, life… Tried and tested by generations, such rules simplify life. Unless we forget to look at tradition through the prism of modernity

My mother always said that the meat should be salted at the end of cooking, the Windows should be washed twice a year, and my husband should not be left alone with his best friend. She taught me how to cut slices of sausage into two pieces before frying them, be sure to eat soups for lunch, and most importantly – to fulfill their promises.

Until now, I – not the most obedient daughter in the world – fulfill these covenants, perceive them as a part of myself. I do not allow the abandonment of all these soups, Windows and promises. Because that’s what makes me whole, and our relationship with mom – strong. It’s traditional. With their help, my mother gave me something that gave her own life more convenience and security. And she did it out of love for me.

Her mother also passed on to her traditions: spinning wool, caring for her alcoholic husband and manipulating others with the help of their diseases. Considering that the wool for knitting, my mother, and with her social skills and my dad’s all right – these traditions she enjoys. She has to create her own behavioral skills that are more useful in her real situation than the experience of her ancestors. Continue reading

The art of raising a slave
Have you noticed that adults often treat children as an uncomfortable object, which greatly complicates their parental existence? Like an annoying fly that you have to fend off, like a…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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Dreams of a "normal family". Two sides of the same model
Where do they come from these dreams of an ideal family? From childhood? But not the fact that you would like to live the way your parents lived. Probably the…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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