Five reasons why unloved daughters choose the wrong partners
"How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her.…

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12 ways to forgive grievances parents
Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in…

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Happy family model: where to get it?
The ability to model, imitate, adopt the skills of other people is one of the basic skills of any person. Let us remember how a small child learns: he watches.…

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Monthly Archives: May 2017

Adoption of parents. Stages of living

Acceptance is letting go of a situation, completing the process of grieving for the loss of something important to us. Loss of illusions, that will as we want, not so as there is. Acceptance is the final stage in completing and living a difficult situation, it is the stage of assimilation and “closing the Gestalt”. This is when we agree with what is already there, and there is no desire to redo and change it, it is a reality that simply is and can (should) be based on it.

Across from me sits a client, she is in a “normal” relationship with her parents and everything is fine. “I took them,” she says. That’s just depression, which is already frequented to be chronic, and ruin everything. What a temptation to immediately “let go” without entering the process of grief and not living. How sometimes we deceive ourselves, seeing ourselves at the finish line, not going far from the start. Unfortunately, this is only the appearance of Acceptance.

At some point of life, anyway life confronts you with circumstances that “forced” to look at the past, in-progress, in negated and forgotten. Continue reading

“My husband doesn’t want me”

A topic that is not customary to talk about. A topic that causes women a lot of shame and guilt. The theme, which, though not so noticeable as to bodily anxiety, make good money, those who know how this is not an isolated phenomenon.

Meanwhile, Google can easily tell us that sexless marriage (lack of sex in marriage) is one of the most popular women’s requests, and men, blackmailing and silently refusing their wives in sex, much more common phenomenon than many who grew up on jokes about the ever-sick head of his wife, it seems.

In the Patriarchal cultural paradigm, the refusal of a man, especially a permanent partner, creates serious pressure on a woman, generating an avalanche of shame and anxiety under the General title “what is wrong with me so much that a man refuses sex”. The woman in this situation often have to bear the burden of “fault” – you have to be sexier, more beautiful, more interesting, more proactive, more mysterious and other slogans spooky psychobabble of training such as “fundamentals of respiratory dearest”, cleverly parasitic on such anxieties. Continue reading

Parents

In order to endure childish affection, which may seem clingy and annoying, as well as children’s affects like outbursts of hatred for younger brothers and sisters, and children’s whims, and discontent about a variety of inconveniences, and even more so attacks of anger towards yourself (parent), about prohibitions and other unpopular decisions, you need to have a pretty impressive container.

That is, you need a mental space with which you could endure, withstand these direct, associated with the natural development of the child, experiences.

Endure them without self-destruction (suffering what you can not tolerate) or the destruction of the child (prohibiting his experiences, and suppressing it).

However, if you do not have the experience of careful handling of your children’s processes, that is, when you were a child, you could not stand your feelings and affection, then most likely, your mental container is full of your own not expressed feelings, and those feelings that your teachers put in you – for example, shame and guilt for their badness. Continue reading

Typology of family crises
The prenuptial period of the relationship is extremely important for their subsequent stability. The most important condition is the presence of a period of love, with all his characteristic uncritical…

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Such a common story...
Part 1. Lyrical She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on…

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On the women's separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a…

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Five reasons why unloved daughters choose the wrong partners
"How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her.…

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