On the women's separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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Home comfort – it's not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our…

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Monthly Archives: June 2017

I hate my sister

About jealousy between siblings (siblings) used to speak as a normal feeling. No one perceives it as a kind of imbalance, rather we tend to consider it as a necessary condition for competition.

In this there is some truth, as to imagine a family in which none of the siblings would not be familiar with this feeling residual difficult. Therefore, I want to consider not the question of jealousy, but its scale, in terms of the origin of this feeling in the family.

Jealousy means that I would like to have something that the other has. In this case, we are talking about the mother’s (rarely father’s) love. And rather not about its quality, but about its quantity, as the child thinks. For a mother, it may be a matter of quality, but not quantity. Mothers often say they love the children equally in strength, but different in manifestations. This depends on a number of factors.

1. The order of birth.

What turns a child is born determines their relationship to it. Senior isn’t always first. Before him, there may have been children who, for example, did not survive. There may have been pregnancies that ended in abortion, miscarriage, or frozen pregnancy. Continue reading

Dreams of a “normal family”. Two sides of the same model

Where do they come from these dreams of an ideal family? From childhood? But not the fact that you would like to live the way your parents lived. Probably the opposite. So how do you know what a family should look like? Your family?

Family is where you feel good. Where all your needs are met. It is a Paradise on earth.

Each of us had a heavenly time. That’s when we were little. Also there were big, adult people who for us solved everything and dealt with all our problems. If they were more or less good parents, then we had enough security and freedom.

One of the women’s dreams of an ideal family is the hope that my husband will replace my mom and dad.

What is it I can be like a stone wall, protected as a child from all the problems of the big world. I’ll be nice in return. Good, but not at all capricious. I will do what I like, but “on time to do my homework”, I will cook and clean the apartment, I will watch and take care of the children. If I decide to work, it will be rather my “hobby”, and with this money, I will be able to buy myself “ice cream”, but this is definitely not the money that you can buy clothes or eat for a month. And “up there” will be a big and grown man who will take all the important decisions, take care of me, my life and our children. And if in my childhood it was my father and mother, now there will be a husband. Continue reading

Typology of family crises

The prenuptial period of the relationship is extremely important for their subsequent stability. The most important condition is the presence of a period of love, with all his characteristic uncritical idealization of the partner, passion and mutual attraction. Memories of this period become a kind of anchor holding the ship of the couple during the storm. However, those couples who entered into a relationship rapidly (less than three to six months), having slipped through the phase of orientation in each other, are more likely to be then disappointed. The same couples who for various reasons (most often because of the weakness of passion or because of counter-dependent scenarios) were kept from marriage for more than three years, will later also be unstable. The experience of premarital relationships, including sexual ones, also carries a predominantly positive load, as it allows you to better understand and explore the nature of your own sexuality, preferences and limitations, to reveal your sexual opportunities with different partners, which further contributes to the Mature idealization of the partner that underlies long-term love relationships (in contrast to the non-critical, not passed the antitrust test of the idealization of the period of love). Marriage rituals, such as courtship and wedding, the notorious and discounted counter-dependent partners stamp in the passport, carry an additional symbolic load, being additional stabilizing objects. They act as limiters of inevitable centrifugal tendencies. Continue reading

"My husband doesn't want me"
A topic that is not customary to talk about. A topic that causes women a lot of shame and guilt. The theme, which, though not so noticeable as to bodily…

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Such a common story...
Part 1. Lyrical She calls her mother every day – morning and evening. She is the woman of a little over thirty, successfully (happily?) married, with two educations, now on…

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Children and cuisine: risks of the "new Patriarchate"
The women of Victorian England were almost invisible to the law. The term "male person" (male person), which denoted a full-fledged person, brought gentle ladies in corsets beyond the legal…

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Mom doesn't have (memo adult children)
Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers…

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