Home comfort – it's not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our…

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Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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Traps that are easy to get into, sincerely wishing happiness to their children
– My mother continues to own my life. I resent that! What am I to do? – How old are You? – 26. – You live with your mother? –…

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Monthly Archives: August 2017

Home comfort – it’s not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head

Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our marriage. At the time, it seemed to me that within the framework of socially approved views on the behavior of a diligent wife and mother, I honestly fulfill my part of the duties.

And then this phrase… Like a bucket of ice water was poured on my head. I digested it for a long time, trying to understand the intricacies of the words in the sentence.

Brought up in the traditions of the Soviet family, I believed in the myth that the wife is primarily a mother and mistress. Other functions – as tasks of increased complexity in the control work: you can do as you wish, if there is time. I could say with confidence that I was doing everything right and as it should be an exemplary wife. I just thought one thing and felt another. Words and actions can lie, feelings can never. It is possible to deceive others, the truth is not to hide.

And truth was such.

I’m bored doing household chores. Continue reading

10 myths about married life

The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years of successful experience with married couples and my thoughts on this, I decided to describe 10 common myths about married life, which many couples take for the truth of pure water.

Myth 1. Similarity and kinship are a permanent basis for a long-term relationship. Many spouses firmly believe that the same views on life, interests, principles is a prerequisite for living all life with your partner. This mythology is well represent Proverbs and sayings from the category of “Husband and wife is one Satan”, “pair”, etc.

But in fact: the relationship and some conditional sameness of man and woman is certainly important at the stage of entering into a relationship. This provides a common basis on which to approach and make joint plans for life. However, the family is a dynamic system, and at some point there is a need for differentiation in married life. And it turns out that it is very convenient and interesting to live, for example, in a complementary pair, when different or even opposite features of partners perfectly complement each other and enrich the marriage! Continue reading

12 ways to forgive grievances parents

Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in the criticism of a parent’s love? This psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya told at the lecture “Children’s insults: is there a chance to establish already spoiled relations?”.

Try not to forgive, but to understand.
They had no resource
Remember that they had a very hard life – work, lack of money, getting food, time-consuming life, standing in queues. Strongly wound parents were not psychologically sensitive and gave children the resource for which they were enough.
They were young and inexperienced
Sometimes it is very useful to remember at what age your parents were at that time. Often they were people 25-26 years old, inexperienced and insecure.

Don’t shut up.
If you feel resentment for the parents, do not be silent about it. It is impossible not to recognize that to you it was bad. For a very long time this topic was tabooed and there was only one option: “Parents are Holy people, they raised you and gave life, they need to love, respect and not complain” or: “If you were bad – it’s your own fault.” Continue reading

Mom doesn't have (memo adult children)
Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers…

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12 ways to forgive grievances parents
Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in…

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Psychological problems of marriage
As you know, "all happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." So how do happy families resemble each other? And so…

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Psychological problems of marriage
As you know, "all happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." So how do happy families resemble each other? And so…

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