Monthly Archives: March 2018
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life trying in their own way to arrange the lives of children. In the end – both are unhappy.
On the one hand, we have decided to laugh at the 40-year-old bachelors living with their parents. On the other hand, there is a favorite of millions in the post-Soviet space from irony of fate. He demonstrates a symbiosis of amazing power with his elderly mother. Living with her all his life, his brides, and not steamed :).
On the one hand, all look down on the old maidens, who after 35 remain in my mother’s apartment. On the other – full of positive cinematic stories about old maids, recall, for example, a school teacher (the well-known film Raikin, as he saved his old teacher from two displaces it from the apartment of the goons).
What do we have as a result? Total codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second – instead of personal life all trying in their own way to arrange the lives of children. In the end, neither are happy. Continue reading
As you know, “all happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” So how do happy families resemble each other? And so the love can continue throughout life? The American psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist Judith Wallerstein tried to answer these questions.
I would like to introduce you to the findings of her study of 50 happy couples, in which she used the case study method. Couples who met the following criteria were selected to participate in the study:
1. The couple must be legally married for at least 9 years;
2. A couple has one or more children;
3. Both husband and wife consider their marriage happy;
4. The consent of both spouses to both individual and joint interviews.
On the basis of this study suggested that Wallerstein nine psychological tasks of marriage that challenge men and women throughout their life journey. These tasks – a kind of building blocks of a harmonious and strong marriage. These tasks, as they transform, are the work of marriage, which allows to maintain a high quality of relations under the stresses of modern society and the changes occurring with each of the partners throughout life. Continue reading
Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of one family member on others.
One of the provisions of the hierarchy is that in the family the parents are responsible for the children and have all the power in the nuclear family. In my article I want to consider some variants of deviations from this norm and their consequences.
Triangulation is an emotional process between two people that tends to involve a third in a relationship. In a broken family where internal boundaries are blurred, parents can sometimes make children their emotional partners. This is an inverted hierarchy, in which the status of the child in the family is equal to the parent. Continue reading