A life that wasn't meant for me
What can you do for me? What does life look like that I can live? What is my measure of well-being and happiness? What is my "share" and what is…

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Invisible girl, or Cigarettes in exchange for mom's love
Deaf, stupid, impotent rage covered Olga with a concrete slab. Can't breathe, can't get enough air. How tired she was of all these papers, people, negotiations, endless parental "need", "we…

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Home comfort – it's not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our…

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Different types of empathy

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The mathematics of marriage. About things real and provable

I’m sorry, but I’m talking about the obvious today. Science knows a lot hityk, especially if you do it thoughtfully. Watch, explore, analyze and be patient. And on popular lectures psychologists do not necessarily have to report the obvious “Mouse, you have to become hedgehogs!”, and can talk about simple and practical things that are quite capable of changing something in your life.

Yesterday I was at Professor Joram yuvel’s lecture “does Love hurt?”He talked a lot about the research of John Gottman, who once struck me with thoroughness and patience. No wonder, Gottman’s first doctorate was in mathematics.

Its theme is the sustainability of the marriage. What does it depend on? Professor John Gottman approaches the question differently from most sociologists and psychologists who pester thousands of divorced couples with kilometer-long questionnaires. Continue reading

Violations of hierarchy in the family system. What parents should not do with their children

Hierarchy
Hierarchy is one of the parameters of the family system, designed to establish order, to determine the affiliation, authority, power in the family and the degree of influence of one family member on others.

One of the provisions of the hierarchy is that in the family the parents are responsible for the children and have all the power in the nuclear family. In my article I want to consider some variants of deviations from this norm and their consequences.

Triangulation
Triangulation is an emotional process between two people that tends to involve a third in a relationship. In a broken family where internal boundaries are blurred, parents can sometimes make children their emotional partners. This is an inverted hierarchy, in which the status of the child in the family is equal to the parent. Continue reading

Five reasons why unloved daughters choose the wrong partners

“How come I married a man who is a copy of my mother? It seemed that he did not look like her, and in the end – just like her. How come I didn’t see him treating me the same way my mother did? Just hands down.”

The truth is that each of us – loved or not – is looking for the familiar and subconsciously we are attracted to what we are familiar with. And it’s a great formula for success if you grew up in a family where your parents supported and loved you. In this case, there is a high chance that you will use your spinal cord to sense people who are prone to manipulation and control and will stay away from them, finding a partner interested in the same things that you are interested in: mutual cooperation, open communication, proximity and support. But this is not the case with women who have formed an insecure type of attachment, whose emotional needs were not met in childhood, especially if an anxious type of attachment was formed.

It looks like this: “Two marriages, one worse than the other. The first partner was a control freak, and the second was a classic narcissist. At that moment, I didn’t trust myself enough to go on a date. How did it happen that after living to 45 years, you can not understand people at all.” Continue reading

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If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It's your responsibility
It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is…

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If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It's your responsibility
It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is…

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"My husband doesn't want me"
A topic that is not customary to talk about. A topic that causes women a lot of shame and guilt. The theme, which, though not so noticeable as to bodily…

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Marriage of convenience: the truth about a relationship without feelings
Is there any sense in a marriage of convenience in contemporary reality? On this topic argues Gestalt therapist Andrew Yudin. There is such an interesting phenomenon in psychology: human stereotypes…

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