Two in the boat, not counting the crisis
From ancient Greek "crisis" is translated as "decision, turning point, turning point, time of transition". Crises lead us up a spiral, to development and depth in relationships. When a couple…

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10 myths about married life
The idea of this article came to me after a seminar on systemic family psychotherapy, which led the Guru to work with families Elena Burtseva. Based on her many years…

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Sacred marriage or why do we need a Sacred marriage or why do we need a family??
"Marriage is not a good thing to call" – says the famous aphorism. And about the destruction of the institution of modern marriage, and about the statistics of divorce, and…

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Family vampires

It’s simple. About family rituals and traditions

Working with family (and its subsystems separately: husband + wife, parent + child, and other diverse set of “deuce”/”Troika”) I often touch themes family rituals and traditions.

“What traditions do you have in your family/couple?”When did they arise?”Who brought them?”Do you like them?””What do you like to do together?””Are there any special rituals in your family?”– these and other issues highlight the important bonding threads that give strength to the family fabric.

It happens that traditions, as well as family rules (unspoken), pass from the parent family unconsciously, are taken as a given, in this case it is useful to look at them more closely. How useful are they? Do we really need them for our couple, children, the family as a whole? Do we want to keep them? It is also important to reconsider the tradition with the development of the family: age-related changes, needs change, changes in family composition. Continue reading

12 ways to forgive grievances parents

Do I need to talk to my parents about the past? And what if they deny everything? How to forgive a deceased parent and is it possible to discern in the criticism of a parent’s love? This psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya told at the lecture “Children’s insults: is there a chance to establish already spoiled relations?”.

Try not to forgive, but to understand.
They had no resource
Remember that they had a very hard life – work, lack of money, getting food, time-consuming life, standing in queues. Strongly wound parents were not psychologically sensitive and gave children the resource for which they were enough.
They were young and inexperienced
Sometimes it is very useful to remember at what age your parents were at that time. Often they were people 25-26 years old, inexperienced and insecure.

Don’t shut up.
If you feel resentment for the parents, do not be silent about it. It is impossible not to recognize that to you it was bad. For a very long time this topic was tabooed and there was only one option: “Parents are Holy people, they raised you and gave life, they need to love, respect and not complain” or: “If you were bad – it’s your own fault.” Continue reading

Mom doesn’t have (memo adult children)

Separation is not a one-sided process, but often we (and I too) talk a lot about parents who are not ready, can not, keep, do not let go. About mothers who tie, afraid of loneliness and uselessness, and whose world is centered around children. We used to believe that parents have a lot of responsibility for the quality of life of their children.

But there are also children who do not leave.

To leave, to leave, and sometimes, if it is necessary for survival – to leave is a task of the grown-up children if they want to find the way. And this is often much more complicated.

Because if the parents are comfortable and warm, more than uncomfortable, the impulse to “break away from” is difficult to be born, to form.

And if the parents are difficult, cold and painful, I really want to believe that it can change and I can influence it. Children’s omnipotence has not been canceled, and it is able to hold strong emotionally near parents, even physically you will be Oh how far.

Also firmly holds the idea of parental responsibility. If he gave birth, he must. Try to imagine that you shouldn’t. Continue reading

My mother always said...
In a sense, every family is a little Prim England with its own traditions. They can relate to relationships, leisure, life... Tried and tested by generations, such rules simplify life.…

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Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?
We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life…

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Family vampires: one controls, the other sabotages
I'm sure it's really very hard and unpleasant, when you are used as a trash can for the disposal of negative emotions. And in his own home. But what does…

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Family vampires: one controls, the other sabotages
I'm sure it's really very hard and unpleasant, when you are used as a trash can for the disposal of negative emotions. And in his own home. But what does…

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