Working with family (and its subsystems separately: husband + wife, parent + child, and other diverse set of “deuce”/”Troika”) I often touch themes family rituals and traditions.
“What traditions do you have in your family/couple?”When did they arise?”Who brought them?”Do you like them?””What do you like to do together?””Are there any special rituals in your family?”– these and other issues highlight the important bonding threads that give strength to the family fabric.
It happens that traditions, as well as family rules (unspoken), pass from the parent family unconsciously, are taken as a given, in this case it is useful to look at them more closely. How useful are they? Do we really need them for our couple, children, the family as a whole? Do we want to keep them? It is also important to reconsider the tradition with the development of the family: age-related changes, needs change, changes in family composition. Continue reading
The good news is that we can close this unpleasant topic once and for all. The bad news is that you have to grow up very quickly, and – surprise! – to abandon some of their stereotypical expectations.
Don’t expect mom to understand.
While the baby is very small, mom really has a lot to understand: he is cold or hungry, he is interested or he is tired… But the older the person becomes, the harder it desires and the less debt remains at mom’s. In the end, mom is also a person with her own views and limitations, with her life position, and it may not coincide with yours. It’s life.
You can argue your views, but do not get involved in endless disputes! It makes no sense: if mom does not agree with your arguments, it is unlikely to convince her. Fortunately, even in this case, all is not lost.
Normally: with age, a person becomes more independent – but, as you know, sometimes the age comes alone. If you can not provide yourself with the most necessary, including housing and food, the hope that your arguments will be listened to, is rapidly melting. Continue reading
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our marriage. At the time, it seemed to me that within the framework of socially approved views on the behavior of a diligent wife and mother, I honestly fulfill my part of the duties.
And then this phrase… Like a bucket of ice water was poured on my head. I digested it for a long time, trying to understand the intricacies of the words in the sentence.
Brought up in the traditions of the Soviet family, I believed in the myth that the wife is primarily a mother and mistress. Other functions – as tasks of increased complexity in the control work: you can do as you wish, if there is time. I could say with confidence that I was doing everything right and as it should be an exemplary wife. I just thought one thing and felt another. Words and actions can lie, feelings can never. It is possible to deceive others, the truth is not to hide.
And truth was such.
I’m bored doing household chores. Continue reading