Psychologist in the divorce. About what?
My colleague and I once talked about values. And I enthusiastically said this phrase: "Here, for example, family is a great value for me. That's why I got divorced." He…

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Invisible girl, or Cigarettes in exchange for mom's love
Deaf, stupid, impotent rage covered Olga with a concrete slab. Can't breathe, can't get enough air. How tired she was of all these papers, people, negotiations, endless parental "need", "we…

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Dreams of a "normal family". Two sides of the same model
Where do they come from these dreams of an ideal family? From childhood? But not the fact that you would like to live the way your parents lived. Probably the…

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toxic relatives

If you are a mom – take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility

It does not matter, 5 years old child, 25 or 40, if you are a mother, your task does not change: you accommodate feelings, extinguish fear, give stability. There is no one but you to do it. And without this it is difficult for a person to live. Not getting support from you, the child builds it himself, and as proper oporozhnenie no one has taught his strategies are often maladaptive: diseases of the body, nervous disorders, trouble in my life.

What’s that got to do with it? In the literal sense at all. About a man who received support from parents, saying: “Nothing of him/her not answering,” or “dusted himself off/confused and went/and” or “was born with the caul/Las”, etc. and whining, disease, poor health and eternal trouble is not destiny, and call for help, search the equilibrium point.

At any age there are moments when someone has to give support from the outside. Even if you have a thousand supports inside, sometimes you need a thousand first, a new one. Ideally, it is given by parents. When there are no parents or they can not, because they themselves without support, then give friends, spouses, psychotherapist, temporarily “getting up” for you in the parental place. Continue reading

How to separate from my parents or why I don’t live the way I want

Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood.

About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find a “Golden mean”, says psychologist and trauma therapist Ksenia Wittenberg.

Relationship with parents is a problem for most

About a third of all client requests are about relationships with parents.

Forces withstand this truth, to agree with his drama and to accept its as part of its history. And stop to demand the lost love and care or compensation for the suffering. This is the process of separation.

Begins, usually with such those:
After my mother’s call, I spend half the day depressed, digesting.
Why does she have to put me down as soon as I get better? Continue reading

Do not want or can not: why do adult children stay with their parents?

We often see the codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second instead of personal life trying in their own way to arrange the lives of children. In the end – both are unhappy.

On the one hand, we have decided to laugh at the 40-year-old bachelors living with their parents. On the other hand, there is a favorite of millions in the post-Soviet space from irony of fate. He demonstrates a symbiosis of amazing power with his elderly mother. Living with her all his life, his brides, and not steamed :).

On the one hand, all look down on the old maidens, who after 35 remain in my mother’s apartment. On the other – full of positive cinematic stories about old maids, recall, for example, a school teacher (the well-known film Raikin, as he saved his old teacher from two displaces it from the apartment of the goons).

What do we have as a result? Total codependence of adult children and their parents. The first can not become independent, find themselves and be realized in society. The second – instead of personal life all trying in their own way to arrange the lives of children. In the end, neither are happy. Continue reading

Home comfort – it's not scrubbed floors, and scrubbed from the beliefs of the head
Such words I heard from my husband, in response to accusations that he does not appreciate my efforts to maintain the household. It was at the very beginning of our…

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How to separate from my parents or why I don't live the way I want
Emotional separation from parents sometimes requires serious work on themselves in adulthood. About why it is important to separate from parents, what to do with guilt and how to find…

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Beliefs that shape co-dependence
I remembered a distant childhood. Anything I say ideas, opinions, views, objections close ended met with "what you know...", "you're a baby, you warthog". I felt devalued and humiliated, ashamed…

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On the women's separation from parental figures
In fact, the separation of women is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, as much as the separation of men from their mothers, but, of course, it is a…

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